The last week or so has been one of the worst times of my life.Let’s just say that I despaired to the utmost and almost sunk into the worst depression pit ever.The reasons why would require a blog- post of their own so I will skip that for today.But life as the cliche’ goes,had totally lost all meaning.It also happened to be one of those times that I could not “see Christ.” I think what makes what I (we) go through a bit palatable however hard it is ,is that I (we) always somehow find Him in the midst of the circumstances.Him who is my (our) life.
Personally, I go through times when there seems to be a tangible blockage that completely obstructs my vision and I can’t see.And I’m just hitting walls and stumbling around.And it’s all dark.And all that I know doesn’t make sense.I have all this knowledge in my head about Him,His love,His peace,His rest.But it’s just that;head knowledge.I lack the revelation of it.And I know only the Spirit can reveal these things to me.So I get frustrated with Him and angry at myself because well,there’s nothing wrong with God,nothing wrong with His word so….. 🙂
So imagine,you’re in this place and you’re going through this overwhelming torrent of a storm in life.I almost snapped I tell you.
(The Lord was gracious as always and I feel much better now ; emotionally)
Coincidentally,I was reading a very beautiful book by Hannah Whittal Smith (The Christian secret of a happy life) One of the best books I’ve ever read.She has a whole chapter where she talks about growth.I think above all,she brought me back to the fact that it’s not about me and how I want it to happen,my growth.Herein I mean everything that entails growth.I have had prophesies about ministry(and other things) that are as old as 6 years plus that I have been trying to make happen and waiting and trying to make happen again with zero results. And its quite sobering to remember that the fulfillment of this has never been about me. Knowing fully well that growth is not really about me.Not about my needs and my goal attainment and my fulfillment but about Him who it’s always been about in the first place.For Him.
She talks about Luke 12:26-27; And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
I have definitely always looked at this scripture in terms of provision and the Lord but never about growth.The flowers of the field do not toil.Do not make themselves grow.They rest.In rest is growth and strength.
Quoting, she says “To grow in grace is opposed to all self-dependence, to all self-effort, to all legality of every kind. It is to put our growing, as well as everything else, into the hands of the Lord, and leave it with Him. It is to be so satisfied with our Husbandman, and with His skill and wisdom, that not a question will cross our minds as to His modes of treatment or His plan of cultivation. It is to grow as the lilies grow, or as the babes grow, without a care and without anxiety; to grow by the power of an inward life principle that cannot help but grow; to grow because we live and therefore must grow; to grow because He who has planted us has planted a growing thing, and has made us to grow.
Surely this is what our Lord meant when He said “Consider the lilies, how they
grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: and yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in
all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Or, when He says again, “Which of you
by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?” There is no effort in the growing
of a child or of a lily. They do not toil nor spin, they do not stretch nor strain, they do
not make any effort of any kind to grow; they are not conscious even that they are
growing; but by an inward life principle, and through the nurturing care of God’s
providence, and the fostering of caretaker or gardener, by the heat of the sun and the
falling of the rain, they grow and grow.And the result is sure……………
Grow, dear friends, but grow, I beseech you, in God’s way, which is the only
effectual way. See to it that you are planted in grace, and then let the Divine
Husbandman cultivate you in His own way and by His own means. Put yourselves out
in the sunshine of His presence, and let the dew of heaven come down upon you, and
see what will come of it. Leaves and flowers and fruit must surely come in their season,
for your Husbandman is a skilful one, and He never fails in His harvesting.”
Yes.The result is sure. Because my husbandman(I love this fancy word 🙂 is a sure one.
So I will walk in the reality that I am seeing at the moment ,even if it’s just a consciousness of just His love for as long as He wills.If that’s all I see for a whole year.Then let it be.
In other news depression is real and I pray that whoever is going through a dark time for any reason will receive the comfort and the nearness of God.